


I Sometimes Wish I'd Never Been Born At All

by Im_Going_Slightly_Mad



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Going_Slightly_Mad/pseuds/Im_Going_Slightly_Mad
Summary: Destructive thoughts get the better of Y/N and Rami is there to help





	I Sometimes Wish I'd Never Been Born At All

o you ever feel the inevitable sinking of darkness? Like you're lost in a black sea being dragged underwater being pushed from side to side, this way and that? Then when you come up for air all you see is a smokey colored sky with nothing for miles? Me too and it gets worse when I realize that ocean is my mind. I'm so tired of fighting the current.

 

I'm curled up in my bed letting my tears soak the pillows and sheets, making my cheeks raw, and sobbing so hard I think my throat might begin to bleed. I'm so glad Rami isn't home to see me like this he doesn't need my problems dragging him down. I don't know what he sees in me I'm a selfish monster who has no regard for anyone but myself. I get so stressed and angry that the slightest inconvenience makes me explode. As I think this more tears sting my eyes and I let out a roar so loud my throat begins to burn. 

 

Eventually, I quiet down. That's when I hear the thunder of feet coming up the stairs. Great, he's home. 

 

Rami bursts through the door of our bedroom with a look of worry on his beautiful face. All I can think is, 

Lovely now he'll try to fix you and you know you can't be fixed, mom should have aborted you when she had the chance

His expression softens and he starts his way over to the bed slipping off clothes to make himself and me comfortable. 

 

The voice in my head doesn't sound like mine. It's something completely different it's deep and has static to it. Like it's coming out of a radio from the 50s and it's rearing its ugly head again.

Look at how selfless he is, you don't deserve him, his life would be so much better without you in it

A new wave of tears has made an appearance because I know the voice is right. Rami gets in bed with my trying to take me against his chest. "Please don't touch me." I say barely above a whisper.

 

Just like that, his hands are gone, but I can still feel his presence. I can't tell if I'm thankful for that or not. "Oh, my love what's gotten you so upset?" He wonders.

 

His voice is like silk, soft and so very inviting, but you can tell it's distressed because he's found me in this situation. I didn't think he'd be home to even witness my current state. I didn't think I'd ever have to talk to him about this and I don't know if I want to. But knowing how much we love and trust each other I know I must. 

 

"I wish I was never born I hate who I am, I'm a monster."

I hear his breath hitch, I don’t want to look, but my head is tilting upwards anyway. My eyes reach his and I see the pain in his sea glass irises. His facial features portray as though I’ve taken a knife straight to his heart and I can feel mine start to break.

Look what you did, you hurt everyone, you think of no one but yourself

You don’t deserve anyone

“How could you ever think that? You’re such a beautiful soul.”

His hand comes up to stroke my cheek, taking stray locks of hair with it and tucking it behind my ear. I close my eyes letting out a sigh as I feel my lip begin to tremble. I feel his plant themselves on my temple before he rests his chin on the top of my head.

“I’m an ungrateful selfish bitch. I get so angry over the smallest things and I hurt so many people. My mother was given the chance to take my life and she should have lept at it, it would’ve been better that way.”

“You are nowhere near selfish and ungrateful. You’ve come a long way since you were younger. You still have your slip-ups but so does everybody else. I’m so proud of you for trying to improve upon yourself and the strides you’ve made.”

“It’s never fast enough Rami. Every time I think I’m leaving the old Y/N behind I relapse. I can never escape it. I don’t understand why you’re with me.”

My voice breaks at the confession and like lightning Rami pulls back and stares at me. His eyes are narrowed and his brows are furrowed. He’s obviously offended by the statement. 

“Isn’t clear? It’s because I love you Y/N. Not just for your good heart, the way you love every fiber if your being, or the way you want to comfort everyone even if it means draining your energy, not even for the way you want to take home every stray you see. I love you for your bad parts. I love you for your weirdness and every quirk, I love you for your imperfections and your defects. I couldn’t stand to be without any of those things because they make you-you and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

This time when my tears flow it’s from happiness. I never want to be without him, I feel the same way. 

“I love you too Rami, with all my heart."

**Author's Note:**

> I encourage comments and all that jazz, so let me know what you think!


End file.
